I'm sitting in a little French cafe on Upper Street, Islington, London on an almost icy cold but bright and crispy Saturday with the genius invention that's the Flat White. On the next table there's a bespectacled slim arty man in a striped jumper reading a book (not a Kindle) that's no doubt excruciatingly arty and cool. When I'm on Upper Street, it's always sunny and I want to spend my life cycling up and down wearing an expensive coat and with a bouquet of flowers and probably some patisserie in my bike basket, stopping off for coffees and novel reading, or to buy things that are then wrapped in pretty paper. And I look around at that the other people (all ridiculously good looking and well dressed) and wonder "is this actually your life, or are you just weekend-pretending like me?"
In case you can't picture my Saturday, it's pretty much like this:
This is a distant dream on Monday morning's when I drag myself out in the dark and power walk to the train station where a completely jam packed train pulls up. "I'll never get in that" you think, but the insistent whistle blows, the doors give their taunting beeping noise and you have to get in it! So you launch yourself at the wall of people filling the carriage and then squeeze right up to stop any bits of coat or bag stopping the doors and you're in! Doors clearing all winter wear and accessories has the feeling of clearing a hurdle the height of your shoulder. My relief is quickly shattered, however, when I realise I'm wedged between three armpits, and the Metro I was looking forward to reading is now stuck to the side of my face. Then if it's raining you've got the issue of AGH WET UMBRELLA LEG! Oh and I walked very briskly to make the train and wore a lot of layers because it's bloody freezing outside and now I'm sweating in the searing heat of a prison of wool coat, scarf, armpits and train.
Step out of the moment for a second and there you are, sardined with a bunch of strangers in a game of: "Don't catch anyone's eye! Agh I just caught someones eye! Quick - dart eyes to one side and then keep looking around as if I've been doing that the whole time and then it will look like one of the places I stopped moving my eyes happened to be looking at your eyes. Good save."
Passing that many people every day, I can't believe nothing very noteworthy has happened yet. My bike wheel got stolen once, the lady that hands out Time Out magazine at West Hampstead station has a little song about it (that gets resolutely stuck in my head for a couple of days - Free Time Out! Free Time Out!) and sometimes people apologise for stepping on me, and sometimes they don't. When faced with that many people, no-one sees 'people' any more. Everyone zips themselves up in a little bubble of self absorption, aided by smartphone/book/paper/ipod. When I'm not in my bubble, I basically end up staring. If you are going to people watch on a train, well you just have to be okay with being a starer. No panicked eye-darting, unless you land on someone scary; then it's all about the shoes, invisible lint on the trousers and other such 'awkward social situation' safety nets.
So Marmalade had lost it's way a bit among the total assault on the mind, body and senses that was changing jobs and relocating but it's back, with the London chapter, an adventure to the Scottish Highlands, and the promise of a SE Asia expedition. Maybe even a mash up of some previous draft posts from the past few months. For now, it's back to my Saturday fantasy.
In case you can't picture my Saturday, it's pretty much like this:
This is a distant dream on Monday morning's when I drag myself out in the dark and power walk to the train station where a completely jam packed train pulls up. "I'll never get in that" you think, but the insistent whistle blows, the doors give their taunting beeping noise and you have to get in it! So you launch yourself at the wall of people filling the carriage and then squeeze right up to stop any bits of coat or bag stopping the doors and you're in! Doors clearing all winter wear and accessories has the feeling of clearing a hurdle the height of your shoulder. My relief is quickly shattered, however, when I realise I'm wedged between three armpits, and the Metro I was looking forward to reading is now stuck to the side of my face. Then if it's raining you've got the issue of AGH WET UMBRELLA LEG! Oh and I walked very briskly to make the train and wore a lot of layers because it's bloody freezing outside and now I'm sweating in the searing heat of a prison of wool coat, scarf, armpits and train.
Step out of the moment for a second and there you are, sardined with a bunch of strangers in a game of: "Don't catch anyone's eye! Agh I just caught someones eye! Quick - dart eyes to one side and then keep looking around as if I've been doing that the whole time and then it will look like one of the places I stopped moving my eyes happened to be looking at your eyes. Good save."
Passing that many people every day, I can't believe nothing very noteworthy has happened yet. My bike wheel got stolen once, the lady that hands out Time Out magazine at West Hampstead station has a little song about it (that gets resolutely stuck in my head for a couple of days - Free Time Out! Free Time Out!) and sometimes people apologise for stepping on me, and sometimes they don't. When faced with that many people, no-one sees 'people' any more. Everyone zips themselves up in a little bubble of self absorption, aided by smartphone/book/paper/ipod. When I'm not in my bubble, I basically end up staring. If you are going to people watch on a train, well you just have to be okay with being a starer. No panicked eye-darting, unless you land on someone scary; then it's all about the shoes, invisible lint on the trousers and other such 'awkward social situation' safety nets.
So Marmalade had lost it's way a bit among the total assault on the mind, body and senses that was changing jobs and relocating but it's back, with the London chapter, an adventure to the Scottish Highlands, and the promise of a SE Asia expedition. Maybe even a mash up of some previous draft posts from the past few months. For now, it's back to my Saturday fantasy.
Happy to have it back!
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